How are roles in the family realized?
Are there ideal people in the world who can fulfill all four roles? Hardly. Typically, a person has strengths and weaknesses. For example, he is a good entrepreneur, generates a lot of ideas, but he has trouble with order, constant chaos. And if nothing and no one balances him, he flies into his endless ideas, and apart from them, nothing happens.
Or there are good administrators who have everything distributed, scheduled, clearly. But if there is nothing to balance them, what kind of family will it be? Everyone will “walk in orderly rows”, everything will lie on the shelves, but nothing new will happen, because for such a person new is always a strong stress. He prefers to stick to the usual state of affairs, to observe traditions.
It would be nice if the family had all these four roles. Then the family flourishes.
Do you need to look for someone who will balance you?
The first thought that comes up when you learn about the four roles: you need to find someone who complements you. For example, you are an excellent administrator and know how to produce results, which means you need an entrepreneur and integrator, with him you will make the perfect match.
But in fact, there is no task of necessarily looking for someone who will balance you. Finding such a combination is not easy, but there are things that are more important in a relationship. For example, coincidence in basic life values, the ability to negotiate, similar plans for life.
It is much easier to figure out which strengths in a relationship. And if you understand that one of the four roles “sags” in both, find a way to fill the gap.
For example, you realize that both are not very strong administrators. And that’s why you don’t like to put things in order. Leaving it just so dangerous: if the area of order sags, you constantly have chaos – in the literal and figurative sense, and this provokes quarrels, interferes with life. And you just need to understand how to close this role.
For example, agree on who will pay for the cleaning lady or just chip in on her together. The result – the area is closed, you do not quarrel, the houses are clean.
If you understand that both have a lame vector of entrepreneurship, then you need to master this role. Here you can agree on the sequence. For example, this month I’ll come up with something that will refresh our relationship, and next month, you.
Etc. It is important to just make sure that all four vectors are present. You figure out what you both are strong in and agree on how to close what you are not strong in. This is similar to the business model applied to the family. Since this is still a family, not a business, you don’t need to be too strict about it, you shouldn’t plan hard. But this is important to do.
Why is it still good to negotiate roles?
When you have a conscious agreement, your partner starts to support you instead of getting in the way. You begin to better understand and accept each other, your dissimilarity.
If you don’t agree, it provokes conflicts.
Let’s say your husband is a good administrator and you are more of an entrepreneur. For a person with a strong administrator vector, it is natural to give up everything new, he likes everything to be as before. If you just shower him with new ideas, he will take your proposals with hostility.
But let’s say you discussed this system with him, and he realized that entrepreneurship is his weak link. The next time you propose something new, he will be more receptive to your initiatives.
He is aware of his resistance. This does not mean that he will happily agree to everything, but there will be more readiness to hear you. The same is with the rest of the functions.
The system of distribution of roles not only makes the family more successful, but also helps a man and a woman to better understand and accept each other, makes each other more calm and confident.